Shay's Version of Robbery
Well I guess there’s one thing you can say after last night’s Portmarnock hotel Valentines Day massacre type gubbins. If the Irish forward line can’t get any shots off in Basle against Switzerland, then armed robbers from Dublin in balaclavas will have to do the job for them. Them tucking into their tomato and basil soup at the time.
I got back to the house last night late on and noticed 11 missed calls on the mobile. And just as I was beginning to check ‘em out the phone went again, private number, the Shay boy. The following is a blow-by-blow account of the breaking news.
Shay: “Hi horse, it’s a good job I haven’t been trying to ring you about 14 million times today.”
Bear: “Sorry man, the phone was lying in the house here.
”Shay: “You’re worse than the aul boy. Here, you’re not going to believe this. We had an armed robbery attempt at the hotel this evening.”
Bear: “Aye, yer h*le.”
Shay: “No, I’m serious.”
Bear: “What?! At the *********** hotel?!”
Shay: “About 3 hours ago. It’s been on Sky News and all. Then Gardai are still here and the whole place is buzzing about it”
Bear: “You’re winding me up.”
Shay: “Straight up. You know the restaurant area that’s down the stairs? Y’know, over past the lobby and then down under.
Bear: “Aye.”
Shay: “We were in there for dinner and I was having a bowl of soup and the next thing I hear all this shouting up the stairs. We just thought that there was some drunk guy in the lobby giving the staff a pile of gip. Haul on a minute . . . GOAL! (to someone else) Who scored it? Nobby? Get in. (to me again) Nobby (Solano) just scored there for Peru against Brazil.”
Bear: “What channel are you watching that on?”
Shay: “Sky Sports.”
Bear: “Wan, 2 or 3?” I switch on the telly and go straight to SPORTS.
Shay: “3 I think”
I’m already watching a slow-mo of Nobby put in a very neat glancing header.
Bear: “Aye, I’ve got it now, here he took it well. I like that Peru jersey. Here, what were you saying before?”
Shay, animated again. “Aye, so then our security guy comes down the stairs and says there’s an armed robbery taking place up the stairs.”
Bear: “No way.”
Shay: ”Telling us to get down on the ground or out of sight. Take out watches off, that sort of thing, put them into your pockets. And then we hear this gunshot upstairs”
Bear: “Holy ****, you heard it?”
Shay: “Heard it? It nearly blew me off the seat.”
Me laughing now, “That’s unbelievable man.”
Shay: “There’s a load of puncture holes in the ceiling where he aimed it.”
Bear: “I’m trying to get Sky News up here to see if it’s on.”
Shay: “And there were kids up in the lobby and everything looking for autographs. It might not be on the news any more cos it was a few hours ago, but guys from Sky Sports were here and other press, they were upstairs when it happened themselves.”
Bear: “What did youse do then?”
Shay: “I ran into the kitchen and am standing there and some of the other lads are running down the corridors”
Laughing hard about it now.
Bear: “Flip, and did they get away with anything?
Shay: “Aye, I think they got 900 euros. Three of them. That’s 300 each. Which isn’t much after tax.”
Bear: “I’m telling ye, after they declare that to the revenue there’ll not be a lot in the pot. Must’ve been from Lifford. Here, you know it’s unbelievable, if you wrote it commanches wouldn’t believe it. That’ll be all over the papers tomorrow y’know. Here, this would be a good one for the website. Must remember to jot something down tomorrow.”
Shay: “Anyway Bear, many happy returns to ye. Can’t believe you’re xx already. (Putting on best Donegal boggy accent) Sure you don’t look it son. Enjoy the rest of your birthday anyway.
Bear: “All 45 minutes of it.”
Shay: “You still coming down Tuesday?”.
Bear: “Aye, finish work at 4, should be there for around 7. Depends on traffic. Gotta drive back after. On earlies. Nightmare. Can’t even stay for one. Well, maybe one like.”
Shay: “Talk to you before then anyway See you later man.”
Bear: “Good luck.”
Cheers Bear and Shay for the insider craic. Webmaster
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